Sunday, December 20, 2009

Memory of Christmas Past

Last Christmas I held my grandson for the second time, after the two days at the hospital where he was born and right before he was placed with his adoptive family. The joy I felt in reuniting -- however brief -- with him fulfilled every Christmas wish I'd ever had.

Since I posted about him ( on the one year anniversary of his birth, his adoptive family decided to close the adoption. I do not know why, and the irony does not escape me. It has been a long four months, laced at times with bitterness, after becoming attached through his blog where we watched him grow through photos and updates for a year; and now just a silent, gaping hole in the heart of cyberspace.

Lest you think me too Scrooge-like, let me share with you what I discovered about him. This little guy has character; he's funny, reminding me so much of the antics of his [birth] father. He's beautiful (think MJ's Prince Michael), endearing, and amazingly at home with large groups of people; and did I mention funny--be-bopping to his own little beat, literally, the last time he sat on my lap at his blessing celebration.

Yes folks, this is me, living in the joys of the past to forget the pain of the present.

I keep remembering Christ's words before his death, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." The family is devoutly Mormon, and I want to believe if they truly understood the pain they were inflicting, they simply would not engage in the silence.

Although I assumed at some point the family get-togethers would end, it was comforting knowing I would be with him through his blog. That's what the family had done up until his birthday, and I thought that's how it would always be. I thought that's what open adoption was about, fostering relationships -- albeit long distance -- between families that would never have met, who shared the ultimate sacrifice.

My new Christmas wish is that the family is kinder to the next family whose children they adopt. That they let them know upfront that the bond they create with them until the baby is sealed in their temple 'for time and eternity' -- will be severed, perhaps even abruptly. At least those families could be more prepared.

As for me, I do not for one moment regret getting to know my grandson through our visits this past year, and will gladly bear the bitter sweetness of knowing who he is, and that he is being raised by people who genuinely love him. And more importantly, that he loves them. In that my heart may find...

Credit: Photo courtesy of


  1. Lorna, every time I think about this I feel your heartache. It is beyond cruel what they did, ending the relationship so abruptly, without at least letting you know that the last time you held your grandson would be the LAST time you held him. I've thought about it so many times since your email, have re-read that letter over and over, and I just.don'

    But you're right, you do just have to live in the joyful memories of those times you did hold him, and not dwell on the now when you can't. You would make yourself crazy with the what ifs if you dwelled on it!

    You DO know that he is in a good family that was so grateful to receive him into their lives, and that has to be a comfort. And never give up hope that one day they will change their mind, or he will grow up and search you out.

    Wishing you happy holidays and a peaceful new year.

  2. Thank you Linda. As someone who has experienced adoption from the child's point of view, I treasure your perspective. I love what you said about 'making yourself crazy with the what ifs"; because that's exactly what I've done these past four months! So thank you for the hope you expressed. Happy holidays and a joyous new year to you (and peaceful!)

  3. Oh Lorna, I'm so sorry. I'll add my prayers that this family comes face to face with whatever fear drove them to such a pain-causing decision, and that love will thaw their choice. I believe your grandson holds the energy of your love and will find you someday if the family doesn't soften before then. Wishing you the happiest of holidays. Love.

  4. Lorna I know how much my grandchildren mean to me and I don't know the pain of being separated from them forever. I am sorry to hear of your heartache I don't understand what motivates people to tear apart family relationships.
    You have such a loving giving spirit I know this because you have stood by me all these months while I battle my cancer.
    My wish for you this Christmas season is that you find peace in your heart.
    May you light a candle this Eve of Christmas Day for your grandchild and hold his sweet smile in your heart forever. Allow the candle light warm your heart as does his smile.
    Peace love and light to you dear friend.
    hugging you aNNa xoxo

  5. Deb: Thank you for your prayers on the family's behalf, and thank you for reminding me he does hold the energy of my love.

    ANNa: Thank you for your friendship and for the idea of lighting a candle for him on this Eve (my favorite Christmas song was always Silent Night).

    Peace and love to all of you, and thank you for the gifts of the heart and spirit which you have given me. Peace and Hugs.

  6. Lorna, I pray that your wishes do come true. I can't even imagine the heartache you must feel, especially during the festive season.

    God always has a plan for those who accept him--and I hope that one day, that plan includes your reunion. My thoughts and prayers are with you this festive season. Thank you for your kind words as of late. I wish you and yours all the best this festive season! Merry Christmas!


  7. Ron, thank you for your prayers and well-wishes. Your blog has brought me much peace and perspective with your photos and eye for a different (but same) point of view -- i.e. humanity's children. What a great work you do.

  8. Lorna, I recently read a book by Sylvia Borstein and something that stuck with me was - Life is hard, painful and difficult - how could we be anything but kind to one another. It touched me to the core, because of it's truth.

    I know very little of the Morman religion, but our common truth no matter our religious beliefs is that life is hard enough, and we should do all we can to be kind to one another.

    Having said that keep your grandson close to your heart and send him well wishes - he'll be back in your life again one day and he will discover who he gets his wonderful sense of humor from... xo Julie

  9. I'm so sorry. Your pain is so evident.Writing about it such good therapy. Your passion takes off in it.

    Take good care, Lorna. Make a wish upon the Blue Moon tonight.

  10. Julie -- I looked the book up on Amazon and I may get it, I love the Buddhist perspective. You hit the nail on the head, I think kindness is the answer here. Thank you for that. And thanks for the humor; I always thought I got it from my son (lol, he was character).

    Julie (!) hey you two, that's funny; it's painful but there's so much good in here too that I don't want to complain. I know he's in good hands. Writing is the best, and thanks to you I did watch the Blue Moon tonight and make a wish! PEACE.

    Hugs to all of you and Happy 2010...

  11. Thanks for stopping by and for the kind words. I will be back to visit when I have a few minutes to start at the beginning. :)