Saturday, May 16, 2009
I Don't Know
It hasn't happened, yet.
I knew I was in trouble Wednesday morning when I found myself in the shower, water running, groping for the shampoo in the dark. Turns out I'd forgotten to switch the lights on after stumbling into the bathroom.
It might have been hump day but it had been an exceptionally draining week already and I wasn't feeling well at all. In that moment, I was not up to the challenge of working and parenting while fasting.
Although I have fasted while carrying heavy schedules in the past, I've only water-fasted twice -- both times in my teens; once for seven days and once for five. I have fasted for a month juicing though, and over the years for weeks at a time while on juices. Because I wanted to make this a water fast, and still do, I am aiming to do it when it feels right rather than setting a date beforehand. You know, wake up and say this-is-the-day type of thing.
But what about raising awareness for Dafur? And what about the people who are starving, do they get to choose when it is good for them? No comparison, no comparison at all. I have the luxury of choosing when to fast, they don't. So I don't know what I can do, if I can't even sacrifice for one day!
Maybe it's the sugar and caffeine addiction. Maybe it's just plain tiredness. But in the spirit of compassion, I'm going to exercise unconditional self-acceptance and remember what American Zen teacher, Cheri Huber, said; "There is the ideal, and there is the actual. And they are often not the same".
I've read her books and teachings on unconditional self-acceptance and found her a treasured friend, although we have never met. But her compassion for all beings shines through her work to you -- her reader and listener -- so I feel like she's given me a good talking to. And it is kind.
So please don't think I've forgotten Dafur. I'm not giving up on either of us. Meanwhile, I'm sending love. As a Facebook comment from Global Coherence Initiative said, "We are connected and what we do individually does count".
See Rollin McCraty Science of The Heart on youtube:
'Til the fast,
Credit: photo courtesy of Cheri Huber's website, http://www.cherihuber.com/